he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
