Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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