i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
