a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
