I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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