Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
