I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
A+ Viking dick
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize