Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
