Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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