Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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