I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
