The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
