this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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