Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
