My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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