so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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