There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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