im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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