is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Randomize
