sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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