We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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