The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
