he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize