i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
