Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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