You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
how drunk are you?
Several
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize