Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
