wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Redeem this text for a blowjob
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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