my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
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