i may or may not be watching the land before time
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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