next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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