I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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