You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Me too!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
