Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i will never coherently bang her
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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