I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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