I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
