I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize