Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
