I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
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