i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
my poor anus
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
