It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
