So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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