i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
