I'd wear matching sweaters with you
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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