Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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