i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
