are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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