tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
