My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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