She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
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