Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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