he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
