I faked an abortion last night.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
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