did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
