she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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