Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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