"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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