ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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