New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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