It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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