remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
