Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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