He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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