I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
