Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
4 words: hood of his car
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
