Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I love you. Go after that dick
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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