it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
