we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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