I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Randomize
