i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Say something about gay babies.
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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