OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
