i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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