You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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