I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
well you can't waste a boner
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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