I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
