If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
