Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
