he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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