So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
