new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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