i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
