Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize
