$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
