So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize