Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
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