So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
